Good day, and welcome to a long-awaited, eagerly anticipated, blog post from The Eason Clan. It’s hard to believe that I last posted in – July! But, it’s better late than never.
There’s so much happening in the world right now: a revolution in Syria (where Assad’s Regime was overthrown in recent days); China’s navy surrounding the nation of Taiwan (an island) for a second time, conducting so called “war games”; and lastly, the price of meat is so expensive I have to consider getting a bull to feed my family (just kidding…just not about the prices).
“Gee wiz! Christian, if I wanted to read depressing news, I’d have gone on CNN.”
Have no fear, we are not diving into the world’s problems today, just escaping from them for about five minutes of reading time. With that said, as I am writing, some of my children are arguing over who owns a blue, fake gem that was lying on the floor(you know, one nobody obviously cared about since it was on the floor), but since one child claimed it, now everyone is concerned over the ownership.
Old sayings like, “Jinx! Pepsi lock!” and “Finders’ keepers” are being thrown around like Justin Trudeau’s recent cheque incentives. All out of date, and not worth much for the reasoning.
With that said, let’s dive in! I hope you enjoy another post from The Eason Clan!
Amazon Black Holes
Holy smokes, 12% off for the item I was watching. *CLICK* Man, I love Black Friday deals. What?! Another item on my list for Christmas, 18% off! Like, come on. *CLICK*
Narrator’s voice: And so the madness continues, as a seemingly bright, but not so aware, Amazon shopper clicks his mouse while shopping online. His cart becomes full in moments, as he saves about a fraction of the cost.
Little does he know that when his packages leave Quebec, Canada, they will be lost in some blackhole in the Amazon Abyss – known as, The St. John’s Warehouse of Doom!!!
Every day since the shipped date, our online shopper clicks for tracking updates (even though he already has email tracking updates enabled) as the urge to find the location of his package draws him like the One Ring of Sauron.
When suddenly, one of the most important packages he’s ever ordered (in the history of his Amazon shopping) is out for delivery – finally leaving the Abyss – he waits…and waits… the entire day for his golden package. However, the delivery driver states at the end of the day, that there was an attempt to deliver the said package, when in fact no one actually came to the front door. Thus, the package found its way back into the iron clutches of the St. John’s Warehouse of Doom …to be scanned in, and placed with the rest of the items on The Island of Misfit Packages.
So our helpless Amazon shopper calls the delivery provider – Intelcom. Surely, he will find satisfaction with this issue.
“Welcome to the customer support phone line. Due to the high call volume, your average wait time is – two hours. We thank you for your patience.
*Cue up the most annoying, irritating music in the history of man. A clever tactic – physiological warfare – to overloud your mind and force you off the phone as the constant high pitch chirp of some electronic ding, combined with a low rumble that the bass on your phone can’t handle.*
After finally speaking to a representative, the desperate Amazon shopper requests a solution to which the rep promises an email, which never came, and hopefully the package will arrive within the next three days.
Thus our story ends, as no package has arrived yet. We leave our shopper, as he stares out his living room window, eager watching the roads for a white delivery van; and is fooled each time when his own white van pulls up the driveway, dashing his hopes into a sea of oblivion.
Christian
The Eason Clan 