Bits and Pieces- My Kids Say The Darnedest Things

First, that ^ is not my child. Second, none of my children look like Apes (although sometimes they sound very similar). I figured a laughing animal would kick of this blog, since laughter is the direction we will be going today.

But first, I want to say… I hope you are all doing well during these uneasy times. Truly we are in uncharted waters. Some of you are feeling the physical, mental and emotional strain of Covid-19 more than others. I know the past few weeks I’ve felt like I was going to climb the walls (being alone with four children on my days off) however I haven’t tripped over that hurdle and I am still running the race.

Lately my two oldest children have entered a new stage, I call it “BHS” better known as “Brutal Honesty Syndrome.” That is, they tell you exactly how they see things, without holding back. You know, the things you might not say, so you don’t offend someone? Well, that doesn’t exist in my house at the moment. So today, I want to humour you with a few tales from The Eason Clan.

***I have written down these events right after they happened, so I promise you authenticity and accuracy in my accounts and no add ons or made up conversations.***

So fill fill up your coffee or tea, have a few napkins nearby incase you spit it out, and enjoy these random conversations from my kin.

Privacy is Dead.

I’ve never experienced the lack of privacy like I have, since I became a parent.

If you’ve ever been a parent of young children, you may have experienced them barging in on you at inopportune times, like while your naked or using the bathroom. Or maybe your kids are old enough now that they would regret barging in on you (for their own mental health and imagery). Regardless of your life stage, from my own experience, privacy is dead.

“Just lock your bathroom door?” You may say. Well, here’s a true tale.

I walked into our bathroom one day, the one located on our main floor. Then I heard it, the playroom door down the hall opened. *Pitter patter pitter patter* little feet made their way down the hall towards my location. Then it began. Drums. The drums of the barbarian thumping on the door.

*Thump* *Thump* *BOOM*

“I need privacy please!” I exclaimed.

“Dad! Dad! What are you doing? What Are you doing? Dadddddd. Let me in dad!”

“Railene, please.” I begged. “I am using the bathroom, I need privacy. I will be out in a minute.”

*Thump* *Thump* *BOOM*

“Dadddd. Are you doing your pooo or peee?”

After years of bathroom harassment, I started to break down a little and plead.

(It’s like being deprived of sleep and being woken up for another round of interrogation.)

“Pleaseee. Leave me alone..”

Nay, to no avail. The drums continued.

*Thump* * Thump* *Boom*

“Dad I want a snaccckkk.” Her shrill voice whined.

“Go ask Benaiah to get you one. I’ll be out in a minute! Please!”

*Pitter patter pitter patter* She finally left. Only to bang her head on the door to the playroom. Screaming. Crying.

Thus my one moment of privacy, reading on the toilet, had been cut short. Sigh.

“Cover Up Dad!”

It’s a Sunday morning. No church today in person, thanks to the Corona. It’s time for that virus to be eradicated!

Oh my gosh I love Gangster Granny.

Glad I got that out of my system.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Elim Pentecostal Church offers their church service online on Sunday’s so that’s a plus. Since we were not in a rush to get everyone ready, I had time to shower. Everyone was down stairs. Finally a moment of privacy.

I was in my bathroom, preparing to hop into the shower. I glanced at the door that leads to our bedroom. It’s a barn style sliding door, with just enough of a gap that when closed, little eyeballs can look right in through. Should have thought through.

***Boom*** The barn door slides open.

“What’s ya doing Dad!?”

“Gosh Benaiah! Privacy!” I struggled to cover up.

“Cover up your man boobs dad!”

I instantly tried to cover up my chest.

(Wait. What? Why did I try and cover up my chest?)

Anyway, with that he walked out of the bathroom as if nothing happened.

I am still puzzled by what had happened. First, I didn’t even hear him approach. Which means either he is excellent at sneaking or I lost my hearing when I turned thirty last month.

Second thing.

He told me to cover up my man boobs?

Where on earth did he hear that too?

Oh man, he’s only five and already he is getting the jump on me…

Early Morning Surprise

Thank God that GIF above never happened in my house. However, I wouldn’t put it past the Wonder Twins. An image like that though did cross my mind one morning.

What a lonnnggg night. I came off my four twelve hour shifts as a dispatcher. That particular round took it’s toll on me as I was mentally and physically wiped. But I was thankful to God that those four days were over and my four days off began!

I listened to my tunes on the way home from work and as I pulled into the driveway, I was greeted by Benaiah and Railene standing in the doorway with the front door open.

Oh no.

I parked my car and opened my door to hear the loud calls from my front steps.

“Daddy! Your home!!!” They both yelled.

“Hey guys.” With a hint of uncertainty in my voice, “What are you doing?”

“Dad, have we got a surprise for you!” Benaiah exclaimed.

My heart sank. The first thought that came to my mind was they coloured a nice picture for me on the walls. Second, maybe they tried to make me breakfast. Or third, they decided to let the dogs out of kennel without letting them outside to use.

“Oh really? Let me see.” I replied.

Upon entering the house, I noticed our entire living room was rearranged. All the chairs were in different spots, the couch was by the fire place, everything was moved. Thankfully I don’t have OCD so it didn’t bother me.

Whew. False alarm.

I bet you thought more was coming with that one eh? Well, thankfully in a parent’s life, there are genuine false alarms and that was one of them.

A Blessing From Above

Somedays my children make me want to jump out of a window (as long as a mattress is below) but I love them regardless. They are children, and young children especially do not grasp the full picture of their actions. Yet we, as parents and grandparents, Aunts and Uncles are called to love and guide them through thick and thin. They are a blessing.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬
https://www.bible.com/59/psa.127.3-5.esv

The Message translation gives a more interpretive and expansive definition of the original translated verse:

“Don’t you see that children are GOD ’s best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you; you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3-5‬ ‭MSG‬‬
https://www.bible.com/97/psa.127.3-5.msg

I love that verse. It’s so true! As a parent you are blessed! Children are a blessing and should be treated as such. I totally relate that sometimes you want to escape, and be free from your kids, and that’s fine. But let’s all remember, we are shaping them just as much as they are shaping us. Let’s take delight in the process, and have a few laughs along the way.

Take care and stay safe! I hope you join me next week for another post from The Eason Clan!

Christian

4 thoughts on “Bits and Pieces- My Kids Say The Darnedest Things

  1. A good read Christian. Our children and grandchildren are certainly a great gift from God as His Word says so. In my life I have learnt and continue to be astonished with the children in our family. Interesting Jesus tote us unless we become like little children we cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I believe that He is talking about true honesty and simplicity of heart here like a child without being childish. Our children and grandchildren add much joy as well as challenges to our lives. Love you all ! You are a blessing as a dad and father and nephew. Xo aunt pauline

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful, funny and a very loving entry. A part of my prayer this morning went like this: Lord let my life before You and others be like that of a little child, open, honest, loving and giving…. Blessings! Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

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